My life

I just recieved a text from a man I had a breif affair with before i met his majesty...I think I may sleep with him this weekend! lol

Your Majesty,
As you know, Im not great with words...in fact Im not 'great' with anything, Im just ok, and probably always will be. I have an ok house, i drive an ok car, i wear ok clothes. I dont get out as much as id like, id love to do more things, and go to more places, but im sure that will all come in time. Puppies make me smile, ive been known to hug a tree!! Im sensitive, caring, very easily pleased, and just want to be happy. I may not have much, but what I do have ive worked hard for and achieved myself, and im very proud of this.
You, on the other hand, are self centred, manipulative, and the biggest control freak ive ever come across! All you care about are material things, and gettin what you want. Did I ever tell you that your arse looks huge in those versace jeans, and i once drove your porsche home from the shops with the handbreak on? You are, what we'd call in our town, ' a total cock'

oh bugger, my mums on her way round for coffee...to be continued later!!

Well, Ive finaly got my answer. If i remmeber rightly, in an earlier post i predicted that his majesty would make me sweat for a bit before threatening to end it, unless I do this or that. I think i get 10 out of ten, for predicting the behaviour of the male tosser!
Despite my good mood earlier in the evening, it slipped, and i ended up getting more and more depressed, so I called him ( sorry!) He didnt answer. so then i chose a new tactic, and text sayin i was a bit worried about him, and could he let me know he was ok ( worried about him my arse!!) he replied straigh away 'Im ok' I replied ' are we over' he replied 'yep' ( he didnt even have the decency to say yes sorry, or even just yes...just a cocky 'yep'!!) Ok so this is the part where my stomach is in my mouth, hearts beating so hard its nearly popping out my chest, and Im in a total panic! Im sure its not just me that gets that feeling? when this total panic comes, there is absolutely nothing i can do about my actions, and i mean nothing! Ill try deep breaths, ok ok think about this, do not panic, its ok, dont say anything stupid...but alas, the begging begins. I can look back 30 mins later, and think to myself 'omg you said what??' but at the time, i have no control. Cmon there must be someone that can relate to this? no?? bugger!
so after a couple more texts from me, asking why why why, and desperate unanswered phone calls, he finally texts again. Im going to write these word for word so you get the real idea!...altho i wont tell you my replies, for fear of looking a total desperate dope!
'we are not right for each other, yes we get on well, but i want more than that, there are too many things that we see and do different, i want different things than you do. ive been thinking over the last few days and i dont want to have to put up with it anymore'
'your not right for me, you just want the easy slow paced life, i wanna go places, do things, not with someone who smokes and leaves ash everywhere ( hes been tryin to get me to give up smoking for ages!!)I want someone who lives closer to me ( hes been tryin to get me to move to london!)
At this point i think i said id give up smoking and move in with him, ok ok i can see the funny side now, but at the time it just comes out!!
'look how long ive asked you to stop smoking, i dont expect you to do it right away but you havent even tried. you're a country girl whos used to that life style. how can you change that?
after a few more similar texts, with me replying that id change...he said he was going to bed and hed text when he got home from work, and not to 'bother him before then' !!!
so basically, as predicted, hes making demands, and by saying its over, he knows ill do it.
Now the weird thing is, now im back slightly in control and i know if i try hard enough he'll stay with me, Im sane again, and im starting to think what an asshole!! and in a slightly warped kind of way, im planning my revenge...the only thing is, ill need to be in control before i can be strong and end it, otherwise my feelings get the better of me, and il find myself begging again...does this make any sense at all? My goodness, i think i need a shrink!!! lol
On the other hand, all the things hes asked me to do, give up smoking, move away, change my lifestlye, etc etc, are things that i really do want to do anyway, but i will never do them unless i get a huge push, which im getting..which kind of makes me think, maybe this is what im supposed to do. oh what to do!!
If anyone has actually read the whole of this, and havent died from laughing, a little advice would be great. :-)

Well I havent thrown up for about 5 hours now, so ive decided to crack open a bottle of...vodka lol. Ive done the housework, with madonna blaring..even managed a bit of a dance with the dog ( who wasnt impressed) and have discovered that the pepper pot makes an excellent pretend mic. Now the house is lovely and clean, ive moved the laptop into front room, and settled on sofa with a blanket, ready for emerdale, corrie, and then later the dreaded big brother! I havent thought about his majesty for at least..ummmm...5 minutes lol
My eldest dog is quie senile, and hes really doing my head in tonight. hes wandering in and out of room, over and over, then he'll go to the back door like he needs to go out, you let him out and he comes straight back in again, you shut the door and he waits at it again! this has happened so many times tonight ive left the door open....hence the blanket!

ok ok I know, your tired of hearing about it lol. I just want a couple opinions if poss...should i text and just ask if its over? or is that being a doormat? im really terrible at this, but i need to know if its over

Well..Im trying coffee now, and sipping slowly. Hopefully ill keep it down! I always knew my cooking was bad, but im sure its never actually made anyone sick!
ok, well, its coming up to 3 days, and no, I still havent heard anything. what id like to know is, if our feelings are our feelings, why cant we control them! I dont know what to think anymore, but im gettin to the stage where im thinking hes never gonna call. either that or hes waiting for me to say sorry and beg, and im determined not to do that! I dont think i ever want to feel like this again.
anyway, its raining again, ive had washing on the line for almost a week now! ( yes im a pikey sally) I kep meaning to get it in and wash it again, but i guess im a lazy bitch!
My eldest dog has a cold..i didnt even know dogs could get colds, but hes sniffly and snotty, and that realy doesnt help with the dodgy tummy!

what a night!! Ive spent the whole night and morning with my head down the toilet. I feel like shit! Have just drunk half a cup of tea, and threw it up, and im so tired, but have to work at 10. Oh joy!

Why has there been a nearly full packet of choc digestives in my fridge, for nearly 2 weeks now, when I own a 14 yr old human dustbin of a son?

Ive just read someones post about some peoples blogs driving them mad, as theyre about nothing interesting whatsoever, so,if anyones reading this, i apologise, I realise my blogs are boring and even somewhat depressing..but it always makes me feel better to have a rant, even if nobody reads! :-)
Anyway its now coming up to 2 days since i left his majestys, and have been ignored. I have decided to take your advice normal guy lol...well everyones advice really, but I will be using yor line as i thought it very fitting. When he does eventually contact me, threatening to end things with us, unless i do this, or do that, or beg ( because the manipulating bastard will do this) i am going to laugh at him and tell him to 'go play his juvenile controlling games with someone who wants to be a doormat....and then Ill cross all my fingers and toes, and pray he doesnt!! hahah Im terrible at this!!! :-)

The last thing I bought = indian takeaway last night
The last program I watched = jeremy Kyle show this morning
The last thing I listened to = I wanna love you, akon, in the car on way to work.
The last place I went to = work, to the house of an old lady I housekeep for.
The last person I saw = My son, briefly, he grunted at me when i got home, before dissapearing back into his room to play playstation.
The last thing I ate = left over indian take away for breakfast!
The last thing I drank = Coffee

The last book I read = Some true crime, serial kller book, cant remember what it was called.

help!! I need a boost lol. Still heard nothing, sent a text a couple hours ago..'what the f*** is wrong with you? we had an arguement, no reason to ignore me for days! It would be nice if youd at least let me know whats going on'...... nothing. If i still havent heard anything by the end of tonight i shall assume its over. Im not tryin to contact him anymore, ive done my bit.

counting??? moi?? no way, its just a rough guess! lol Well Ive still heard nothing, dispite texting last night 'how long are you intending to ignore me for?' !! So i guess the answer is longer than this! The girl power thing is slightly higher than it was late last night, id say about a 7. Im thinking if hes decided its over, he is the type that would tell me, not just ignore me and hope i go away, so hes obviously just trying to piss me off, and i must admit, its working a little!

Isnt it amazing how everything seems so much better when you have a huge plate of indian food sitting in front of you! I so wish i was one of those people that cant eat when theyre pissed off, but instead i stuff my face with anything going! Oh well, i guess thats the way its meant to be!!

Im not sure I believe in God, any god really. I believe in something. I believe in angels, guardian angels, its a nice belief. I also believe everything happens for a reason, which is very helpful when the normal every day bulls*** comes along, I convince myself theres a reason for it, and it all becomes slightly less stressful. Anyway this was a really random post,but then i guess thats what blogging is all about, plus Im bored out of my mind! So Ill shut up again now :-)

I havent been here for a while, been busy working ( or pretending to anyway!) But I do feel the need to rant once again! Last valentines day, was terrible. Whats that got to do with anything I hear you say!! Well everything it seems! I had only been with his majesty for a couple months then, and we'd split for a couple weeks, while he played the 'i dont want a jealous gf' card! jealous?? moi?? Anyway on that day, I was convinced he would show up and suprise me, instead he turned his phone off for the whole night! The next day when i spoke to him he said hed had a female friend round, etc etc, and hed left her in bed that morning and gone out...when i gave him the reaction he was obviously hoping for, he accused me of jumping to conclusions and that it was just a friend, and hed slept on the sofa! ( are you confused yet?!) so anyway no more was said, i assumed he was playing games as usual and didnt have anyone there at all, just wanted to piss me off, so i just let him get on with it. So anyway, this weekend I was at his, sat morning till sunday night...it was my bday on sat. we had a nice time...till sun afternoon. the subject of Valentines day came up, and in general convo i asked what female friend hed had round? he replied he cant remember, in a kind of messing around way..???? I asked again, he said wtf has it got to do with you, we werent together..then he flew into a rage, when i said hes making himself look guilty, shouting and swore for a bit, i shouted and swore back for a bit...then he walked out the door and disappeared somewhere in his car! lol I waited for about half hour, baring in mind im in his flat, an hours drive away from home, then i called him...he diverted my call. So i thought bugger this, and left. well that was yesterday afernoon about 5 ish. I have still heard nothing, and to be honest i dont give a flying f*!!! If the childish ahole wants to sulk then let him!! Im actually thinking he might not contact me at all...hes going to accuse me of being jealous again, and say he doesnt want a jealous girlfriend!! whatever he says itll e all my fault and i really cant be arsed. Well rant over, thanks for that, I feel much better now!!

Its been 26 hours since his majesty decided to ignore me again...Oh joy!

That is the question...Well its friday, the evening is getting near, and i have a decision to make. Do i spend it as usual, drinking far too much vodka, having a reasonably good time at the pub, stumbling home at 230am, falling asleep fully clothed on the sofa, and then waking with the worst of hangovers on sat morning ( which nowadays tend to last the whole weekend) or do I stay in, curl up on the sofa, watch eastenders, have a curry, and then have a hangover free weekend?
Ive stayed home the last 2 fridays, and its been great to not have a hangover, and the house stays tidy all weekend, where as if i go out, its trashed when I get ready, and then gets more trashed over the next 2 days as i suffer. But I do feel like going out tonight. Hmmm its a toughie!!

Pls post this banner as many places as poss, to help bring madeleine home

Ive been sitting here so engrosed in JK, that I didnt realise what a bloody gorgeous day it is! It has rained non stop for days, and now, at last, the sun is out! Great, it may even inspire me to do something today! Even the dogs lying on the patio. Hmmm maybe I can take the laptop outside!
Jeremy Kyle headline 'youve got 3 women pregnant at the same time and now confess you're gay'!! how very odd. Jeremys gettin irate again. Where do they find these people??

Question of the day...Why do sugar puffs make your wee smell?

I never seem to have anything interesting to say, and today, Im afraid, Is the same. Its 845am, and I AM NOT going to stay on the computer any longer than 10.30 this morning,( when jeremy kyle finishes) I still havent touched the ironing, just the thought of it scares me! It would be so nice to open my wardrobe and find it filled with nicely hanging ironed clothes, instead of having to search through a huge pile every time i want something. Im guessing i will find clothes at the bottom of the pile that i forgot i even had! I used to pay my neighbour to do my ironing, until she really took the piss and said itd taken 4 hours when i know damn well there was only 2 hours worth there at the most!
Ive just been looking through 'my documents' and I found something rather amusing. I met my current bf ( his majesty) on an internet dating site. When we had been together a few weeks we had an arguement, and I decided a little revenge was in order. His dating site profile was still up, and I had the password ( mwahahahhaa) I logged on, and proceeded to change it to say he was a gay man searching for men in his area, I then messaged as many gay men as possible, giving out his mobile phone number :-) Im not sure if he actually got any calls, he wouldnt have told me if he did, and fortunately he did see the funny side when he found out, but oh how i laughed! aaahhh revenge is sweet!
Anyway enough for now, Im going to attempt to get out of this chair and make some coffee.

Why do kids insist on turning the tv on in every room, and then leaving it on?
where do birds sleep at night?
Why does coffee always taste better at someone elses?
Why shouldnt men have to go through the pain of childbirth?
Why can I drink half a bottle of vodka and feel fine, yet after one glass of wine im anybodys?
How do the hairs on your legs know when to stop growing?
why is there never any hot water when I want a bath?
Why do we like to read whilst emptying our bowels?
and finally...what is the meaning of life?
*ponders*

Now Im sure im gonna be in trouble for writing this...but oh well.
A couple weeks ago, I was chattin online with an online friend of mine. He said he was also having a convo with a slightly deranged girl who had tld him she was going to send her ghost 'gretchen' to him. Well we both laughed and took the piss a bit ( like you do) the next night this friend of mine was online again..he messaged me saying lots of weird stuff had happened, his pc had turned itself off for no reason, the room had gone cold etc etc. When i laughed at him and told him he was imagining things he told me he was going to send gretchen to me. lol. Sure enough the next day when i turned on my messenger, all of my contact names had just dissapeared apart from this friend of mine! theyd just gone..were nowhere to be found! weird huh! so the moral of this story is, never mock gretchen!!!

Ok this is gonna be my last blog for today, coz i really AM going to get up and do something!! Does anyone else have this problem, I get up in the mornings, with every intention of doing constructive things like housework, walking the dog, going to the gym, cooking something nice etc etc, and then I hear this voice.....its the laptop calling me from the kitchen table...at first I ignore it, but it gets louder and louder until I eventually give in, and here i sit, unable to tear myself away, for hours!

Ok can someone whos is not on my friends list tell me if my profile pic shows, its not supposed to show to anyone apart from friends but i think i may have done it wrong! thanks!

2 years ago I ended a 5 yr realtionship with a bit of a twat! He wasnt a particualrly nasty person, nothing intentional, he just didnt think, ever! He was alot younger than me, and immature i guess. For the first year he made my life hell. For some reason i battled constantly to make him care. Then the realtionship kind of drifted to a new level...I got on with my life, and didnt let him bother me, i was happy, kind of happy gettin on with things without him, but still in a relationship with him. I saw him when i felt like it, or when he felt like it and I agreed, and this went on for 4 further years. What a waste of 5 years I hear you say! but it wasnt. Im very independant, I live alone ( with my son) and have done for 14 years, and I love it, so i guess this suited me. I still had the independance of soing what I liked when I liked, but I also had someone there when I needed them. This guy that used to put everyone esle before me, treat me like shit, and hardly ever see me, turned into a clingy, obbsessive, who still, 2 years later confesses to be in love with me!! bloody typical! why is it you never get what you want until you dont want it anymore! Anyway, it all came to an end when he decided to put a brick through my kitchen window, in a drunk jealous rage, because I wouldnt let him in at 3am! I wouldnt have minded, but he proceeded to climb through the window and help himself to one of my cigarettes!!! oh the memories!!

Ok I put a pic on, but I think everyone can see it and I dont want that, but now I cant work out how to delete it!!! helppppppp

Is there a way I cna put up a profile pic only available to friends?

Did I spell that correctly? Anyway the omelette fell apart. I have no idea why, Im usually ok with them. It tasted the same, but made a big mess of the frying pan. I shant attempt it again so early in the morning.
If ever I appear to feel sorry for myself, pls feel free to yell at me, kick me or anything, just so long as I stop. I have a big problem with people that feel sorry for themselves. I mean people that have problems, and do nothing about them, other than sit around, moping, and whining. I choose to remind myself that theres always someone worse off then myself. My bf, who I shall now refer to as his majesty, is acting reasonably normal again. I have decided I have to make a decision...well I have 3 choices really 1) I dump him 2) I let him treat me like shit and take it, leading to a reasonably unhappy life, or 3) I adopt a superior and frankly quite bored attitude, and see where that gets me! As Im not quite ready to give up on him, ive choosen number 3. I began last night by not replying to his texts, obviously I was far too busy...doing nothing! It worked, i got a phone call asking why I hadnt replied. When i went to bed, i 'accidentally' forgot to text my usual 'nite x' and got another phone call at 12.30 asking why I was still up, and if i wasnt still up why hadnt I said gnite. *yawn* I have arranged a weekend away with friends, and hes not invited. I hate playing games, I do think we should be allowed to be ourselves, BUT I also think there does come a time, when I must stoop to his level, if only to find out whether its all really worth it. To be continued.....

I bought a big joint of beef to cook for his majesty last night. I asked him how he wanted it, a bit pink in the middle? He replied 'no pink' ( now remember that part, its important!!) He then said,'how do you usually cook it? I replied, a bit pink, he said ok do it like that. When it was done, it was a tiny bit pink in the middle, but not much. He complained 'its a bit bloody overdone!!!!'...??????? after slamming it in front of him i suggested he 'cook it himself next f'ing time' This then led to a huge arguement, where he stated that he had to tell me so I get it right next time, and why am I making such a big deal out of it, wouldnt I prefer to be told? I think next time a little spit seasoning is in order.

I was finally allowed to drive his porsche last night, just to the shop to get some vodka ( I needed it) I drove it half way home, without even realising the handbreak was still on! lol

I feel sick. He came to mine last night. I dont know why he bothered. He hardly spoke to me, hardly wanted to be near me, complained about my cooking, twisted everything i said to make me the bad one, and then left this morning. I want to finish the relationship, but I am terrified he wants the same, how does that make sense?!

Ok...re my earlier blog about being a bitch..this is NOT the kind of bitch i had in mind...
God give me strength!!

Ok this has no meaning whatoever, Im just testing the you tube thing

yessssss it works at last!!

My son drank all the milk!!! I have another 2 hours before I leave for work and no milk for coffee!! aaagghhhhh!!! life just gets better and better! Black coffee it is then..

Ok its time for the bitch to rear her gorgeous head! When all else fails,when things arent going as they should, when you're being treated like a piece of dirt, the tables HAVE to be turned! I dont consider myself 'needy' just because I questioned why he doesnt want to see me after 10 days of not seeing each other! And..well..he did tell me to 'get off his back' after all! So, thats what Im gonna do. Im past caring!

Well, monday morning..most people hate them, but for me its not different to any other morning. Havent got much work to do today, I did the housework at the weekend, as I didnt spend the whole of it with a hangover like i usually do! Its pouring with rain, has been all weekend.
Jeremy kyle has just finished and im siting here wondering what to do. I need a hobby! Need to find something that really interests me, there must be something! More coffee i think...
My bf is in a weird mood again, he does this all the time after hes been out clubbing. I can only guess that its either the drugs ( which he says he doesnt do) or hes picking up some bit of skirt and shagging her senseless all weekend. He text me when he got home in early hours of saturday, text again when he got up at bout 11am, then he turned his phone off ( which is very unlike him) and I havent heard from him since. He could be dead for all I know! He usually rings me at least 5 times a day. I know for a fact, when he finally rings me, he'll make up some terrible story, that a friends mum is terminally ill or something, so I wont be able to moan at all...its his style! Im gettin quite bored of this now. Stupid games...and to think, a few days ago, I agreed to give up everything for him. yeah right!!
Anyway, I think Ill get the iron out ( woohooo)....or maybe I wont.

hundreds and hundreds of channels, and all I can find to watch is bloody taggart!! No sign of Jerry Springer, altho I dont enjoy it quite as much anymore since a friend of mine totally ruined it by telling me it isnt real!
I plan on doing lots tomorow, but i know it wont happen. My aim is to get up early, shower and stuff, and go do some shopping. Maybe take the dog for a long walk if the rain stops ( only the youngest dog as the eldest wont make it to the bottom of the road!) Go to a friends for coffee or something, and maybe even tackle the pile of ironing thats almost hitting the cieling now. What will really happen is ill wake early, on the sofa again, Ill lay around for a bit, probably drag myself up as far as the computer, waste another couple hours, then back to the sofa. Im such a lazy bitch! Hmmm.....maybe THIS is why my partner arranges his weekends without me

I have 2 dogs and a 13 yr old son. In order for me to visit my partner, and hour drive away, I have to arrange for someone to come stay at my house, to look after everyone. Its difficult, especially with the fact the eldest dog messes in kitchen every day! I worry. My partner has no ties, he can just get up and leave anytime to come visit me. No pets, no kids, no nothing. So howcome Im expected to go to his whenever possible, but he hardly comes here anymore! Howcome his weekend is planned, and it doesnt involve me!
well its 2.40am, and ive spent fri evening doin nothing! I cleaned the house earlier, my son went to stay at my mums. I had a take away, showered, and got cosey on sofa. Nothing interesting on tv, fell asleep by 10. woke up at 1.30am and now cant sleep. Oh joy! So here I am.

3 days after he got the arse for no reason at all, My boyfriend is back to normal. Im learning to ignore it, but its hard. Men are weird. Ive realised that in order to stop his moods once and for all, I need to sew my lips together. Ive decided against this, as a) itll hurt, and b) I wont be able to eat marmite on toast whilst watching jeremy kyle, so I guess Ill have to put up with the moods. What is this all for? why cant people just be happy!
Im hoping jeremy will be a lie detector result show today. I love those ones. every time someone gets caught out for lying, they say the detector must be wrong, and jeremy gets angry with them, pointing out the lie detector is 97% correct. One day Im gonna phone in, and point out that if it is only 97% correct, for every 100 people that are tested, 3 are going to be really tellng the truth, and jeremy would have ruined there lives forever!!
I have a friend who is a compulsive liar. It baffles me. The mind is a strange strange thing!

Howcome things always look different in the morning...better. I slept on the sofa again last night. Its going to be my bed for a while. my eldest dog is 15, and hes started messing in the kitchen every night. Its not his fault, he cant help it, but its so annoying gettin up to piss n shit every morning! So I figured if i sleep on sofa, I usually wake at least once in the night, and I can let him in garden when I wake....its worked so far. Its definitely worth it! It wont be for long, hes not got long left :-( Hes going very senile, a little deaf and gettin cataracts, and hes very weak and wobbly. Some days I look at him and think its time, then the next day the little bugger will be full of life, and so happy, that I change my mind again. Its very hard.
Anyway, I keep meaning to get up early and do the housework before I go work, but it never happens. I love mornings, but I believe they are meant for pottering around, drinking coffee, eating marmite on toast ( real marmite not the squeezy kind) and watching jeremy kyle! for some reason getting the hoover out just doesnt appeal!
Oh did anyone hear any strong wind in the night in the London area? Im sure I woke up and heard wind howling and things crashing around, but as it wasnt windy when I went to sleep, and it isnt now, everyone is taking the piss and saying Im going mad....

Just got home from spiritualist church, I think it was a success. I went for a reason, for guidance maybe, just needed to hear Im doing the right thing, thats all. I do believe our lives are mapped out, and there are set paths to take, whether we find them quickly or take forever. The meeting came to the end, out of time, and they hadnt been to me..but then one of the mediums jumped up and dashed over to me, saying 'i just need to tell you this, you ARE on the right path, keep on with what you're doing'. So i guess thats my answer. It was a very special message, it gave me an answer to what i needed to know.
For the last few weeks, things have been happening, things that seemed to be happening for a reason, and I could see the reason in them ( I hope this is making sense!) Its a nice feeling, like everythings happening after being in a rut for so long, yet scarey too. so much change. Im terrible with change, which is obviously why i needed these things to happen to give me a push.
Now my bf is demanding that I move to his town, otherwise we're over as there wont be a future for us. Its another thing thats gonna push me to make a move i never would have considered otherwise, but, I think, a much needed move.
BUT on the other hand,its a huge step, and a big risk. I will have to give up everything. I dont have an awful lot, but what I do have I have achieved myself, spent years working for. Im very independant, and very proud of what I have got. Ill be going to London, and Im a country girl. Ive always hated London, altho I must admit, I havent really been there many times. I dream of living in a little farm house surrounded by fields and horses, but my new life will be the total opposite. It feels wrong, but also so right. So despite gettin the message id hoped for, from the spirits, Im still very confused. Help!!!
Another problem is my bfs moods, as mentioned in previous entry! I never know where I am with him. I never know why hes moody and dont feel I can ever ask. Things always get twisted, I end up being the one inthe wrong no matter what, hes very good at it, ill give him that! Oh God give me strength!!

Wasnt that a song? Anyway, this is my second entry today, I think I talk too much! I was quite suprised at getting 2 comments in the first 30 mins of signing up...so thanks for those. Ive been looking through some other blogs..interesting stuff. Have been meaning to do one of these for a long time now, but never really had much to say...still havent but hey ho!
Gonna go spiritualist church tonight, see if the spirits have any hints for me! Ill let you know what they say later.

I'm a firm believer in everything in life happening for a reason, I just wish I knew the reasons, and where they will lead.

I will not go into anything too deeply today, for fear of frightening everyone ( including myself!) away before we even begin.

Not a good day today, mind is everywhere, apart from where it should be. I have no clue who I am, where I am, or where I want to be...if anyone has the answers pls let me know asap!

My partner of 1 year is sulking...I have no idea why. 2 days ago, I agreed to his terms of us staying together, which were that at some point in the future I agree to move to his town. He lives an hour drive away from me. I agreed, tho it is a huge step for me, and something I would never have considered before. Hes been sulking since..I cant win! I feel as if I have done something wrong, but I havent. I feel I cant ask him whats wrong, as he has a habit of twisting everything I say, and I will be made to look the bad one...maybe I am!