Well, Ive finaly got my answer. If i remmeber rightly, in an earlier post i predicted that his majesty would make me sweat for a bit before threatening to end it, unless I do this or that. I think i get 10 out of ten, for predicting the behaviour of the male tosser!
Despite my good mood earlier in the evening, it slipped, and i ended up getting more and more depressed, so I called him ( sorry!) He didnt answer. so then i chose a new tactic, and text sayin i was a bit worried about him, and could he let me know he was ok ( worried about him my arse!!) he replied straigh away 'Im ok' I replied ' are we over' he replied 'yep' ( he didnt even have the decency to say yes sorry, or even just yes...just a cocky 'yep'!!) Ok so this is the part where my stomach is in my mouth, hearts beating so hard its nearly popping out my chest, and Im in a total panic! Im sure its not just me that gets that feeling? when this total panic comes, there is absolutely nothing i can do about my actions, and i mean nothing! Ill try deep breaths, ok ok think about this, do not panic, its ok, dont say anything stupid...but alas, the begging begins. I can look back 30 mins later, and think to myself 'omg you said what??' but at the time, i have no control. Cmon there must be someone that can relate to this? no?? bugger!
so after a couple more texts from me, asking why why why, and desperate unanswered phone calls, he finally texts again. Im going to write these word for word so you get the real idea!...altho i wont tell you my replies, for fear of looking a total desperate dope!
'we are not right for each other, yes we get on well, but i want more than that, there are too many things that we see and do different, i want different things than you do. ive been thinking over the last few days and i dont want to have to put up with it anymore'
'your not right for me, you just want the easy slow paced life, i wanna go places, do things, not with someone who smokes and leaves ash everywhere ( hes been tryin to get me to give up smoking for ages!!)I want someone who lives closer to me ( hes been tryin to get me to move to london!)
At this point i think i said id give up smoking and move in with him, ok ok i can see the funny side now, but at the time it just comes out!!
'look how long ive asked you to stop smoking, i dont expect you to do it right away but you havent even tried. you're a country girl whos used to that life style. how can you change that?
after a few more similar texts, with me replying that id change...he said he was going to bed and hed text when he got home from work, and not to 'bother him before then' !!!
so basically, as predicted, hes making demands, and by saying its over, he knows ill do it.
Now the weird thing is, now im back slightly in control and i know if i try hard enough he'll stay with me, Im sane again, and im starting to think what an asshole!! and in a slightly warped kind of way, im planning my revenge...the only thing is, ill need to be in control before i can be strong and end it, otherwise my feelings get the better of me, and il find myself begging again...does this make any sense at all? My goodness, i think i need a shrink!!! lol
On the other hand, all the things hes asked me to do, give up smoking, move away, change my lifestlye, etc etc, are things that i really do want to do anyway, but i will never do them unless i get a huge push, which im getting..which kind of makes me think, maybe this is what im supposed to do. oh what to do!!
If anyone has actually read the whole of this, and havent died from laughing, a little advice would be great. :-)
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- 2007-05-31 @ 01:01:19
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- 2007-05-31 @ 06:31:49
Your relationship kind of reflects mine with my ex. Sometimes it is like you are been possessed and nothing can stop you from making a fool of yourself.. And when you sit there pondering an hour later, you realise how desperate you came across and how he must be playing you. With me, I had to run the course of the whole thing. After 6 months, I knew he was not "the one" but had to gradually wean myself off him. Unfortunately this took a further 18 months but by the time I was ready to finish things with him, I was virtually over him where as he was not expecting it.
The only thing I can say is ride the good waves, and try and deal with the bad ones.. Slowly, you will notice the good waves are not as precious as they were and the bad waves dont bother you as much as they did...
Just dont do anything life changing for him. After all, if he doesnt love you "just the way you are" (as seen in bridget jones) then is he really worth changing yourself for??
xx-
- 2007-05-31 @ 07:26:12
thanks for that, im glad its not just me thats a ravin looney! lol...seriously tho...i can totally relate with the 'weaning'. at the moment tho, i really dont know if i want to be with or without him. im sure hes only doing this to force me into doin things, and not coz he doesnt wanna be with me..its his style, hes done it before...or maybe he really does want out.
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- 2007-05-31 @ 08:27:28
I've totally been in this situation and its easy to look back and say you should do this, or you should do that. But I know exactly how you must be feeling. (I think it was at this point I was physically sick when "he" text me to say it was over on the way to a night school class!)
Basically he is bullying you. You should make these changes for yourself in your own time. In the process you will probably meet someone fabulous! (like I have!) Otherwise, he will just keep on bullying you into other things.
Get out there girl! Show the world what you are made of! and don't let him win!
*big hugs*-
- 2007-05-31 @ 09:06:08
Yes he is bullying me...but what if its bullying i need to make these changes that might be so good for me...i know ill never do it without bullying lol
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- 2007-05-31 @ 08:45:27
nearly died from laughing......have some pride girl.....go tell him to f**k himself.....what, are you so frightened of being on your own that you'll do anything not to be?
Sorry, none of my business...I'm just waiting for a coat of lacquer to dry.-
- 2007-05-31 @ 09:04:42
Im not frightened of being on my own at all...Ive been on my own for 14 years, and I love it. Im thinking its maybe partly the big rejection thing..but apart from that, I do have feelings for him and for some reason hve been so convinced all along that this will be good. ho hum!
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- 2007-05-31 @ 09:30:43
If you want to make changes do them for you not because some arse thinks you should do them. Stop making excuses for his behaviour towards you, all that "he must love me if he wants me to improve myself" is bollocks girl. This "relationship" of yours is all about control and emotional blackmail..."I'll love you if you do this, that and the other and if you don't then it's over!" Screw that. Tell him to go to hell and find himself a young impressionable female with a bra size larger than her IQ who he can tell what to do until the cows come home.
I know it's not easy and I don't want to hurt your feelings but a man will only treat you like a doormat if you let him. So stop letting him.
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- 2007-05-31 @ 12:00:47
Im not making excuses for him...or maybe i am lol...he hasnt actually said, change or its over..hes said its over as im not what hes looking for, which is fair enough. its me thats suggested that i make these changes, and only because they are changes that i want anyway. im not prepared to do anything i really dont want to ( yet lol) Its me thats assumed hes using this to get what he wants from me, but to be fair, i dont know that. It could quite possibly just be him saying this isnt what i want, which is perfectly reasonable
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- 2007-05-31 @ 13:01:39
Move on. Why should you change? This was my thinking too, with my ex: "If only I change, I'm a better person", etc, etc. The fact is the problem did not lie with me but with him. My ex was a controlling, manipulative, bottomless pit of need, and I suspect this guy is too.
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- 2007-05-31 @ 13:04:28
because for years ive wanted to get off my arse and start doing different things, the kind of things he wants me to do, but i know, without this kind of push, ill never do them.
Sapphire_Night
Okay think about it....This man has told you it's over and that he no longer wants to be with you and you're handing him full control by practically begging him to stay with you. Why? What does this person have to offer you and do you really think that if he turns around and say he wants to stay with you that he really means it or is it just sympathy?
There are so many people out there, someone who will love you because they want to and not because you want them to. Someone who will stay with you because they can't imagine a life without you but do you really think that it's him who will give you these things?