Well, Ive finaly got my answer. If i remmeber rightly, in an earlier post i predicted that his majesty would make me sweat for a bit before threatening to end it, unless I do this or that. I think i get 10 out of ten, for predicting the behaviour of the male tosser!
Despite my good mood earlier in the evening, it slipped, and i ended up getting more and more depressed, so I called him ( sorry!) He didnt answer. so then i chose a new tactic, and text sayin i was a bit worried about him, and could he let me know he was ok ( worried about him my arse!!) he replied straigh away 'Im ok' I replied ' are we over' he replied 'yep' ( he didnt even have the decency to say yes sorry, or even just yes...just a cocky 'yep'!!) Ok so this is the part where my stomach is in my mouth, hearts beating so hard its nearly popping out my chest, and Im in a total panic! Im sure its not just me that gets that feeling? when this total panic comes, there is absolutely nothing i can do about my actions, and i mean nothing! Ill try deep breaths, ok ok think about this, do not panic, its ok, dont say anything stupid...but alas, the begging begins. I can look back 30 mins later, and think to myself 'omg you said what??' but at the time, i have no control. Cmon there must be someone that can relate to this? no?? bugger!
so after a couple more texts from me, asking why why why, and desperate unanswered phone calls, he finally texts again. Im going to write these word for word so you get the real idea!...altho i wont tell you my replies, for fear of looking a total desperate dope!
'we are not right for each other, yes we get on well, but i want more than that, there are too many things that we see and do different, i want different things than you do. ive been thinking over the last few days and i dont want to have to put up with it anymore'
'your not right for me, you just want the easy slow paced life, i wanna go places, do things, not with someone who smokes and leaves ash everywhere ( hes been tryin to get me to give up smoking for ages!!)I want someone who lives closer to me ( hes been tryin to get me to move to london!)
At this point i think i said id give up smoking and move in with him, ok ok i can see the funny side now, but at the time it just comes out!!
'look how long ive asked you to stop smoking, i dont expect you to do it right away but you havent even tried. you're a country girl whos used to that life style. how can you change that?
after a few more similar texts, with me replying that id change...he said he was going to bed and hed text when he got home from work, and not to 'bother him before then' !!!
so basically, as predicted, hes making demands, and by saying its over, he knows ill do it.
Now the weird thing is, now im back slightly in control and i know if i try hard enough he'll stay with me, Im sane again, and im starting to think what an asshole!! and in a slightly warped kind of way, im planning my revenge...the only thing is, ill need to be in control before i can be strong and end it, otherwise my feelings get the better of me, and il find myself begging again...does this make any sense at all? My goodness, i think i need a shrink!!! lol
On the other hand, all the things hes asked me to do, give up smoking, move away, change my lifestlye, etc etc, are things that i really do want to do anyway, but i will never do them unless i get a huge push, which im getting..which kind of makes me think, maybe this is what im supposed to do. oh what to do!!
If anyone has actually read the whole of this, and havent died from laughing, a little advice would be great. :-)